I'm always so back and forth when it comes to my thoughts on Eric and Dylan's deaths.
Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them and wish that they could have just waited it out. I know they were filled with a lot of hatred and likely had mental illnesses, but high school is truly the worst environment to be in. I wasn't even bullied back then, but I still hated my surroundings and was always dying to get out of there. I couldn't stand the catty girls and the jock assholes. Just seeing other people getting picked on made my blood boil. But on some days I wonder, if they made it through, could their murderous thoughts have worn off? Or at least be kept under control? College is a whole other experience, and it was MUCH more bearable in my opinion. They could have possibly went on and had happy lives, looking back and wondering what they were thinking
On the other hand, I get insanely jealous at times that they have been spared from all of the negative aspects of life. I'm 26 now, and unfortunaltely, things have NOT gotten much better for me. I always hoped that my extreme quietness would wear off as I got older. I hoped that I'd be less awkward and more capable of fitting in with people. It's not that I secretly wish I could be more social and well-liked. I am an introvert and I like to have plenty of alone time, but I wish I could somehow manage to blend in with the crowd more. I am constantly asked why am I so quiet, why don't I talk, why am I alone so often...and over the past few years I've gotten more and more snappy with people who ask these same repetitive questions. I get angry right away and stay mad for hours sometimes. Then I get extremely depressed and wonder why I was born with this seemingly bland personality.
It is highly possible that if Eric and Dylan finished high school, things would have never gotten better for them. Whatever misery they felt might not have ever gone away, especially for Dylan. He seemed to hate himself. I wonder if he hated his personality the way I do at times? Sure, I could just kill myself to put myself out of my misery. But I'm too much of a coward. Also, I'd be forgotten in an instant. My family and a small group of friends are the only one who would remember me. I see no point in dying unless I can make people remember me...I am jealous of Eric and Dylan because they accomplished what they wanted, infamy. And they also don't have to deal with life anymore.
Do any of you guys feel sorry for Eric and Dylan, and think that what they did was likely a huge mistake?... Or do you feel pretty confident that death is what they would have truly wanted, and that they wouldn't have ever had any regrets?
