I'm sure that anyone who is viewing this has read at least some of Eric's rants. It feels so good sometimes to let it all out. If you don't you might fucking explode and destroy the computer screen or something. I'm pissed and I need to let it all out. I don't really have any other blogs, and this is way too long to post of facebook....
Like Eric, I'm an animal lover. I probably care about them more than I do for humans. I cry for them when they die, but never have at any of my relatives funerals. Unlike humans, there's basically nothing wrong with them. They never do anything wrong. Anyways, we've had a cute cat named Leo for like 13 years now. He's getting up there and slowing down. A little over a year ago, a young stray cat kept coming around and my mom liked him. She can be a bitch for the most part, but she surprised everyone by saying we can keep him. So we named him Debo, and to make it short, he's a fucking dick to Leo. Leo is overweight and has sore joints, bones, whatever else. But Debo chases him all around the fucking house, bites Leo, makes Leo scream in pain, forces him to jump on and off of high surfaces which makes it even worse...
This has been going on for over a year, and I can't fucking stand it for much longer. We kept hoping it would get better. We'd yell at Debo and lock him in the basement sometimes. But the stupid cat won't stop even though I'm sure he knows Leo is in pain. My mom wants to get rid of Debo, and I'd love to as well. But my dad is extremely attached to him and he doesn't want to get rid of him. My dad is such a nice person and I'd feel really bad of he had to get rid of his little buddy, but something obviously needs to change. Once Leo is like 15 or so, he's done when it comes to that shit. I'd consider it to be animal abuse. I tried to reason with my dad, who honestly isn't the brightest crayon in the box. A lot of times he completely lacks common sense. The other day, I had a long conversation with my him about Leo and how cruel the whole situation is...
He seemed to really get it, at the time. I've felt guilty this entire time and thought he did too. So we agreed that we would lock Debo up on the porch at night, and when nobody's home. Well, this was 5 days ago, and it never fucking happened. I finally asked my dad today, ummm, is this porch thing gonna actually happen or not? And my dad says that he and my mom will keep Debo in the porch when nobody is home. But at night?...My dad sad something like this... "I get up about, 4 or 5 times a night to use the bathroom...and every time I do, Debo is right there asleep...so uhh, we don't need to lock him up at night."...like, wow you guys. My dad, honestly thinks that a fucking cat, sleeps aaallllll throughout the night like a human does. Passed out except to use the bathroom or get some water...Jesus fucking christ...
It is pretty damn obvious, for one, that cats are up at all hours of the night. They wake up, get bored, roam around, torture aging cats...I am so fucking angry and feel helpless because it's not like this is my house. I can't decide what happens. But my heart breaks at the thought of my poor cat having sharp teeth sunk into his skin almost daily...it's absolutely fucking ridiculous that it's allowed to happen. I love my dad, but I am very pissed at him for being an unrealistic moron with no sympathy for a poor old cat. I highly doubt that I'll have a good Christmas. If my dad ever asks why I seem mad, I'll tell him what's pissing me off every single time . . . . . I guess I'm about done. I have to be up in 5 hours. But Eric was definitely right when he said that people are fucking idiots, and that it's infuriating to even think of how stupid they can be.
If anyone ever feels like ranting in their response, feel free. It might prevent you from snapping and killing someone. ^_^
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Hmm
I wish I had something to write about. Aside from the huge term paper I finally finished last week, I've been going through a usual "cooling" phase for the past couple of months, after thinking about Eric constantly for a year. Definitely should have started this blog months earlier instead of just wondering if I should the whole time. But the never ending fantasies always come back. I seriously wonder if I have some kind of mental issue, or I'm just a little weird...
I wonder if any people who have a similar obsession ever feel annoyed by it. Like it's pointless and you wish it would go away. I would have loved to know Eric back then because he seemed so perfect for me. :( Just like he did for so many other girls (and guys). I think it's shitty that I'll never meet anyone who's just like him, but I can't do anything to change that. So the times that I obsess make me depressed or irritated at times. I gotta admit though, some of my fantasies are nice when I get a little lost in them. ^_^
I'm gonna keep this blog around, even if I don't happen to say much. Just because.
I wonder if any people who have a similar obsession ever feel annoyed by it. Like it's pointless and you wish it would go away. I would have loved to know Eric back then because he seemed so perfect for me. :( Just like he did for so many other girls (and guys). I think it's shitty that I'll never meet anyone who's just like him, but I can't do anything to change that. So the times that I obsess make me depressed or irritated at times. I gotta admit though, some of my fantasies are nice when I get a little lost in them. ^_^
I'm gonna keep this blog around, even if I don't happen to say much. Just because.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Art by Rachel
These are awesome.
Here are her links, check it out!:
http://itcomesfrommyheart.deviantart.com/art/The-Columbine-Killers-265600720
http://itcomesfrommyheart.deviantart.com/#/d4e9h4m
Friday, October 21, 2011
Copycats will never compare.
Sometimes I wonder what percentage of the world population actually fantasizes about going over the edge and killing a bunch of people. I'm talking daily thoughts of murdering no matter what your mood is, not just when you are angry and not thinking rationally. I wonder even more what percentage of the population is truly capable of doing it. Even MORE importantly, I wonder how many people could actually make an impact and remain burned in people's memories, like Eric and Dylan have. Murder is such an incredibly common thing, and it is damn near impossible to leave your mark. Racking up the death toll is certainly an effective way to garner attention, but Eric and Dylan didn't have to rely on that. They were simply geniuses, meticulously planning out every little detail and aspect of NBK. Though their exacts reasons for doing what they did will never be known, FAME was clearly something that they eagerly anticipated. Fame would be my main reason for killing, if I chose to snap.
I feel like my life sucks anyways, and I'm too lazy to change it. I still don't have a clue what I want to do with myself at 25 years old. I hate my awkward personality, and constantly being asked why I'm so quiet. I've been tired of people's shit ever since grade school. I have to constantly deal with people questioning my behavior and who I am as a person, when they should just mind their own fucking business. I never visit my relatives because honestly, I'm not interested. But I know that if I'm ever desperate and need them in the future, they will not be there. As for relationships? With my social anxiety, I strongly dislike meeting new people. I only feel comfortable with one-on-one conversations, so meeting and growing close to a boyfriend's family and friends is out of the question. I have dug my own grave when it comes to many things. I guess my point is, I think about my life in general, and I feel that my whole existence will always be a bland waste of time. I might remain aimless for my entire life, only to die a lonely old woman who has accomplished nothing. I'll have my one paragraph article in the obituaries and that will be it. Might as well go out with a bang and be remembered in a huge way.
So I guess that's why I daydream sometimes about doing what Eric and Dylan did, somehow causing the same impact on society. Trust me though, I'd never go through with it. And the main reason is that I could never pull off what they did. Eric especially truly drew people in. He seemed so fucking awesome and amazing. :-/ But as for all those depressed, angst-ridden teens out there who look up the Eric and Dylan and want to seriously carry out copy-cat massacres...they would be complete fools for even attempting it. They would probably wuss out after shooting half a dozen students, would end up in prison or death row, and would captivate the nation for maybe a week or so? Then the media would move on to the major story. While Columbine is firmly placed in a category of it's own, wanna-bees would get lost in the endless list of mediocrity. These copycats may gain infamy on the net, but only as jokes. Columbine set the bar way too high, and fools such as lame Cho Seung-Hui need to realize that...sorry that this post was about me pretty much. I will try and focus more on Reb and VoDka in the next one.
I feel like my life sucks anyways, and I'm too lazy to change it. I still don't have a clue what I want to do with myself at 25 years old. I hate my awkward personality, and constantly being asked why I'm so quiet. I've been tired of people's shit ever since grade school. I have to constantly deal with people questioning my behavior and who I am as a person, when they should just mind their own fucking business. I never visit my relatives because honestly, I'm not interested. But I know that if I'm ever desperate and need them in the future, they will not be there. As for relationships? With my social anxiety, I strongly dislike meeting new people. I only feel comfortable with one-on-one conversations, so meeting and growing close to a boyfriend's family and friends is out of the question. I have dug my own grave when it comes to many things. I guess my point is, I think about my life in general, and I feel that my whole existence will always be a bland waste of time. I might remain aimless for my entire life, only to die a lonely old woman who has accomplished nothing. I'll have my one paragraph article in the obituaries and that will be it. Might as well go out with a bang and be remembered in a huge way.
So I guess that's why I daydream sometimes about doing what Eric and Dylan did, somehow causing the same impact on society. Trust me though, I'd never go through with it. And the main reason is that I could never pull off what they did. Eric especially truly drew people in. He seemed so fucking awesome and amazing. :-/ But as for all those depressed, angst-ridden teens out there who look up the Eric and Dylan and want to seriously carry out copy-cat massacres...they would be complete fools for even attempting it. They would probably wuss out after shooting half a dozen students, would end up in prison or death row, and would captivate the nation for maybe a week or so? Then the media would move on to the major story. While Columbine is firmly placed in a category of it's own, wanna-bees would get lost in the endless list of mediocrity. These copycats may gain infamy on the net, but only as jokes. Columbine set the bar way too high, and fools such as lame Cho Seung-Hui need to realize that...sorry that this post was about me pretty much. I will try and focus more on Reb and VoDka in the next one.
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Duds
The main thing I will always wonder, is what was going through their minds when they realized that the bombs weren't going to go off? What did they think when they looked out the window and saw all those students outside, people they intended on killing? Were they furious? Didn't care? They are infamous to this day, but killing practically everyone at Columbine would have made them legends for life. Their names would have been recognized well into the far distant future. They knew that, and they wanted to be above and beyond all of the previous school shooters that only murdered a handful of kids at most.
Even though they "only" killed 15, including themselves, they certainly made their mark. Eric and Dylan knew how to make people remember. They, especially Eric, made sure that plenty of material was left for us to work with. Trying to figure out a great mystery that will always be just that, a mystery. Like everyone else, the only thing I can ever do is speculate. And I will for many years to come because unlike the usual dull and detached murderers out there...Virginia Tech dude ring a bell?...Eric and Dylan drew us in permanently. 12 years and counting.
Even though they "only" killed 15, including themselves, they certainly made their mark. Eric and Dylan knew how to make people remember. They, especially Eric, made sure that plenty of material was left for us to work with. Trying to figure out a great mystery that will always be just that, a mystery. Like everyone else, the only thing I can ever do is speculate. And I will for many years to come because unlike the usual dull and detached murderers out there...Virginia Tech dude ring a bell?...Eric and Dylan drew us in permanently. 12 years and counting.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Why didn't he try anything?
You know something I've always wondered... One of Eric's main goals in life, it seemed, was to get laid. I don't know whether or not he ever truly longed for love, but he really wanted to have sex. Even one of the things he wrote about was his fantasy of charming a girl, getting her to go down to his basement, and then raping her. Or at the very least, having rough sex, since he spoke of overpowering the girl and "indulging" himself.
It might be more common than some people think to have rape fantasies, but Eric seemed like the type that would seriously commit the act. Obviously, since he was capable of murder. Especially towards the end of his life, when he wrote of trying really hard to get laid but not getting anywhere. I've always been surprised that he didn't attempt anything with Susan, the girl he hung out with days before the massacre. She was like the perfect opportunity for Eric.
I mean, she came over to his house. They were there for 4 hours, and his parents weren't even home for the first couple of hours. The most daring thing that he did that night was kiss her on the cheek and put his arm around her. He was a perfect gentleman. I wouldn't have expected Eric to attack the girl or anything, since doing so would have gotten him in major trouble. Their plan to murder hundreds of students would have been ruined. But the fact that he didn't even try to kiss her? Make out? Anything?
He must have respected Susan a lot, because that truly puzzles me. I also used to wonder why they didn't take advantage of the situation and sexually assault a student at Columbine before they killed themselves. I'm sure they must have known that it would take a while for the SWAT team to reach their area of the building, that there was time for them to have their way. But I figure, when your adrenaline is up and you are blasting people left and right with your gun, the last thing on your mind is sex...no matter how horny you've been up until that day.
It might be more common than some people think to have rape fantasies, but Eric seemed like the type that would seriously commit the act. Obviously, since he was capable of murder. Especially towards the end of his life, when he wrote of trying really hard to get laid but not getting anywhere. I've always been surprised that he didn't attempt anything with Susan, the girl he hung out with days before the massacre. She was like the perfect opportunity for Eric.
I mean, she came over to his house. They were there for 4 hours, and his parents weren't even home for the first couple of hours. The most daring thing that he did that night was kiss her on the cheek and put his arm around her. He was a perfect gentleman. I wouldn't have expected Eric to attack the girl or anything, since doing so would have gotten him in major trouble. Their plan to murder hundreds of students would have been ruined. But the fact that he didn't even try to kiss her? Make out? Anything?
He must have respected Susan a lot, because that truly puzzles me. I also used to wonder why they didn't take advantage of the situation and sexually assault a student at Columbine before they killed themselves. I'm sure they must have known that it would take a while for the SWAT team to reach their area of the building, that there was time for them to have their way. But I figure, when your adrenaline is up and you are blasting people left and right with your gun, the last thing on your mind is sex...no matter how horny you've been up until that day.
Monday, July 11, 2011
Sites pertaining to Columbine
I'll keep adding to this post as I find more sites...
4/29/99
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/daily/april99/antisocial04299.htm
9/23/99
http://www.salon.com/news/feature/1999/09/23/journal/index.html
This is an interesting site, lots of stuff I've never seen before.
http://www.columbine-wiki.net/wiki/Main_Page
A few fans site...
http://rebandvodka_gurl4life.webs.com/
http://www.freewebs.com/rememberreb/
4/29/99
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/national/daily/april99/antisocial04299.htm
9/23/99
http://www.salon.com/news/feature/1999/09/23/journal/index.html
This is an interesting site, lots of stuff I've never seen before.
http://www.columbine-wiki.net/wiki/Main_Page
A few fans site...
http://rebandvodka_gurl4life.webs.com/
http://www.freewebs.com/rememberreb/
Saturday, July 9, 2011
This song makes me think if him.
I've been on a Fear Factory kick lately. Since this came out in 1998, I've been wondering if Eric and Dylan ever listened to it. Every little thing leads to a "what if" involving Eric and Dylan, it's crazy. I know they were major KMFDM and Rammstein fans, but maybe they blasted some Fear Factory in their car or at their shooting sessions in the woods. Guess we'll never know. :-\
Random Thoughts
I want to start off by saying that I don't think what Eric and Dylan did was right or excusable at all. It's incredibly tragic what happened on April 20, 1999. Countless relatives and friends of the victims had their lives dramatically changed forever, due to Eric and Dylan's shocking and selfish actions...However, I've been fascinated by the Columbine incident ever since it happened. I think about both Eric and Dylan quite often as I go through everyday life, but Eric Harris is the main person in my thoughts. My infatuation has been on and off for a little over 12 years. It's not a daily thing thankfully, but even if I manage to go several months with hardly a thought of Columbine, the daydreaming always returns. It's so much worse than any "real" crush I've ever had. I've been fantasizing about Eric Harris now everyday for over 6 months, longest period of time yet. And I don't care how ridiculous this sounds, I feel I'd do anything in the world to somehow, someway, meet Eric Harris. Time travel, somehow altering past events, channeling the spirits, me dying and going to hell...I know this will never happen of course.
I just don't understand the girls at Columbine, and how they basically looked right past him and had no interest. Even once he stopped dressing preppy and hanging with the nerds, and he started to change and show a very dark side, I always thought many girls were intrigued by this sort of behavior? The "bad boy"? And he was so handsome, how the hell did he never get laid? I would have probably stalked his ass...Every time I go back to a video, a diary, an interview that I've viewed countless times, I often discover and piece together things that I did not notice before. Eric and Dylan are such a mystery to this day. Perhaps they wanted it that way. Sure, they left behind plenty of stuff to work with such as their journals and recorded footage. But they must have known that some mystery will create endless debates and theories for years to come...Anyways, I figure that since I think about Eric Harris so often, and I haven't come across many recent blogs allowing people to discuss their thoughts on Columbine, people can do that here.
Hopefully Eric Harris has a doppelganger out there somewhere because I would love to meet him...Does anyone else feel this way?
I just don't understand the girls at Columbine, and how they basically looked right past him and had no interest. Even once he stopped dressing preppy and hanging with the nerds, and he started to change and show a very dark side, I always thought many girls were intrigued by this sort of behavior? The "bad boy"? And he was so handsome, how the hell did he never get laid? I would have probably stalked his ass...Every time I go back to a video, a diary, an interview that I've viewed countless times, I often discover and piece together things that I did not notice before. Eric and Dylan are such a mystery to this day. Perhaps they wanted it that way. Sure, they left behind plenty of stuff to work with such as their journals and recorded footage. But they must have known that some mystery will create endless debates and theories for years to come...Anyways, I figure that since I think about Eric Harris so often, and I haven't come across many recent blogs allowing people to discuss their thoughts on Columbine, people can do that here.
Hopefully Eric Harris has a doppelganger out there somewhere because I would love to meet him...Does anyone else feel this way?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)