I'm always so back and forth when it comes to my thoughts on Eric and Dylan's deaths.
Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them and wish that they could have just waited it out. I know they were filled with a lot of hatred and likely had mental illnesses, but high school is truly the worst environment to be in. I wasn't even bullied back then, but I still hated my surroundings and was always dying to get out of there. I couldn't stand the catty girls and the jock assholes. Just seeing other people getting picked on made my blood boil. But on some days I wonder, if they made it through, could their murderous thoughts have worn off? Or at least be kept under control? College is a whole other experience, and it was MUCH more bearable in my opinion. They could have possibly went on and had happy lives, looking back and wondering what they were thinking
On the other hand, I get insanely jealous at times that they have been spared from all of the negative aspects of life. I'm 26 now, and unfortunaltely, things have NOT gotten much better for me. I always hoped that my extreme quietness would wear off as I got older. I hoped that I'd be less awkward and more capable of fitting in with people. It's not that I secretly wish I could be more social and well-liked. I am an introvert and I like to have plenty of alone time, but I wish I could somehow manage to blend in with the crowd more. I am constantly asked why am I so quiet, why don't I talk, why am I alone so often...and over the past few years I've gotten more and more snappy with people who ask these same repetitive questions. I get angry right away and stay mad for hours sometimes. Then I get extremely depressed and wonder why I was born with this seemingly bland personality.
It is highly possible that if Eric and Dylan finished high school, things would have never gotten better for them. Whatever misery they felt might not have ever gone away, especially for Dylan. He seemed to hate himself. I wonder if he hated his personality the way I do at times? Sure, I could just kill myself to put myself out of my misery. But I'm too much of a coward. Also, I'd be forgotten in an instant. My family and a small group of friends are the only one who would remember me. I see no point in dying unless I can make people remember me...I am jealous of Eric and Dylan because they accomplished what they wanted, infamy. And they also don't have to deal with life anymore.
Do any of you guys feel sorry for Eric and Dylan, and think that what they did was likely a huge mistake?... Or do you feel pretty confident that death is what they would have truly wanted, and that they wouldn't have ever had any regrets?
i am obsessed with eric harris . i feel like hes my other half . i dont understand why, but everytime i think of him ( witch is everyday ) it puts a smile on my face . is that wrong of me ?
ReplyDeleteYes
DeleteI don't think it's wrong because I'm the same way and I think it's harmless. But I also feel it's so pointless and depressing, and I wish I'd get over my fascination.
ReplyDeleteI understand their anger... obviously it's a mistake to kill other people though. those poor kids, high school blows. but things have gotten better for me since high school. maybe they will get better for you too
ReplyDeleteThey weren't angry. They weren't losers. They weren't picked on. They had friends, they weren't outcasts. Eric was a fucked up psychopath and Dylan was an insecure follower. People try to skew this to fit into our country's anti-bullying craze, but it has nothing to do with that. Period.
ReplyDelete"People try to skew this to fit into our country's anti-bullying craze, but it has nothing to do with that. Period."
ReplyDeleteYou're dead on. Eric was a psychopath. There was no "waiting it out" for him. He was going to kill people eventually, because his motive wasn't ultimately about his environment or the school or bullying (which never really happened, anyway... not in the traditional sense of what we think of as bullying). But Dylan may have been able to function in society if he hadn't met Eric, had gotten the right treatment, and had grown up some more. But who knows... anyone with that much rage and the ability to kill indiscriminately probably didn't have much of a chance.
I've read so many different things that I don't know what to believe. Bullying being part of the problem made sense, and Brooks Brown talked about how the were pretty much invisible, or was made fun of. But in Dave Cullens book (I read he's wrong about some stuff) he said they weren't picked on and Eric was considered to be a "cool" dork.
ReplyDeleteBut either way I have always read that Eric was a psychopath and Dylan was very depressed and wanted to die. thanks for the comments.
I'm 36 and I have social anxiety.... But the part that I have realized is that I no longer care about what people think of me on the scale of a person half my age .... Ive been like this my whole life and I don't think there is anything wrong with people like me.... The world needs sensitive people and thats what I am and perhaps the obsession isn't about him but about the whole situation.... A lot of people ask questions about what is happening to us but the truth is I believe it's normal for you to have compassion to anyone no matter what the circumstances and that doesn't make you weird or different....
ReplyDeleteYoure a lot like me.
DeleteThey were totally angry... I can feel their anger when i read or learn about their plans... it's filled with anger
ReplyDeleteNotoriety drove them as well as anger in my opinion...
ReplyDeleteHi Wendy. I'm just curious, have you ever talked to a therapist/psychiatrist/whoever about your social anxiety? I am 26, and I'm also pretty sure I have social anxiety. I honestly hate my personality at times because I'm so terrible at small talk. I watch other people engage in conversation so easily and I get jealous and wish I was more interesting. I've thought about getting help, taking meds, just trying to improve myself so many times before. But I've never taken that step.
ReplyDeleteBut anyways, I agree with this comment that you made..."I believe it's normal for you to have compassion to anyone no matter what the circumstances and that doesn't make you weird or different...." One good thing about being super quiet and shy is that I am very nonjudgmental. While most people think James Holmes is evil and want him to die, I wonder what his story is. That doesn't make me a bad person.
I have talked to my doctor about my anxiety I am on a strong dose of anti anxiety and depression medication. If I don't take them I'm a mess before the end of the day.... Every day my stomach would jerk continuously throughout the day... That's the result of twenty years (or more) of undiagnosed anxiety. I know I should talk to someone (psychologist).... I just don't want to think anymore... I smoke a lot of weed to stone out the memories instead.... Self medicate whatever you want to call it
ReplyDeleteI also smoke. I wish I didn't beause I know I have to stop fucking around and get a better job. I'm finishing up college this semester (finally) but that's always been an excuse to keep my fun but shitty job. I have no clue what I wanna do and I can't even pass a drug test if Iwanted to...I can't imagine NOT smoking. :-\
ReplyDeleteIt's like the one thing I look forward to everyday, yknow? I wish I was a housewife, they have it EASY!
Hahaha housewives have it easy? What do they call it? hey call it a sleep in mom? Ahhaha. Sounds like we have a lot in common.... How are you doing now... It's been a while since I've posted
ReplyDeleteMy mom's a housewife and I envy her in a way. I can't stand all the whining and bitching she does, like "oh I'm sooo tired, I have to go buy some damn eggs, then I gotta wash this load. But first I gotta watch the food network for 3 hours to get my energy up..."
ReplyDeleteI keep my mouth shut but I think I might explode one day lol. But anyways, I've been good lately. I haven't been obsessing for a while, it's the "cooling" phase I guess lol. How have you been?
what a cool site Eric Harris is very interesting to me I always wonder what was going through his mind as he arrived at the school for the final time, like if he was nervous or excited or if it was a high of its own as he walked through columbine armed to the teeth shooting at anyone and everyone. Another thing that I think about was what was he thinking about his final couple minutes alive as him and Dylan wandered the library around 12:06, I wonder if he actually wanted to die I mean its one thing to talk about it extensively in anger but when the time came to the point where he sat down, cocked his shotgun and put it against the roof of his mouth I really don't think he wanted to do it no 18 year old wants to die, I've read all about the self preservation instinct and I think i don't think he actually wanted to pull the trigger once the time came but he had no other way out I think he thought of his parents for his final thought before pulling the trigger, his actions were horrific but I can't help feeling sorry for Eric and his family, Dylan as well rest in peace boys
ReplyDeleteI totally know what you're talking about .. I can't get Eric and Dylan out of my mind in my every day life, I quite understand why they had all the hatred, but it just saddens me that they'd be in a dark, empty library, filled with dead people, and kill themselves. I also do wonder if this'd really be what they'd wanted ..
ReplyDeleteI wish I could just go back in time and put them in my group of friends, I have some weird sadistic friends which are really, really nice to anyone whose a bit different than the others. I wish I could just take them into my time because they'd probably be happy, and everyone deserves to be happy! I just hope I can get over the whole thing where I think about them day and night, I just feel so fucked up sorry for him.
Dylan said though, that wherever they'd go they'd go to a better place. I just feel so sorry for them that even though they probably were nice guys, it was that bad that they didn't want to live anymore .. and I don't even feel sorry for the victims, that's the worst part.
When watching all the documentaries, I can only feel bad for them being only able to kill 12 people, and I can only feel bad for this world that brought them to do this. I just want to hug them you know. I'd go to prom with Eric, I would ..
me 2 i don't feel sorry 4 the victims
Deletethis completely summaries how i feel about these two boys, from an outer perspective it would be strange to feel sorry for the perpetrators yet i feel obliged to, as if they deserved something i could have given if that makes sense.
DeleteIt's also this one quote from Eric. 'I wish I was a fucking sociopath so I wouldn't feel any remorse, but I do'
ReplyDeleteHe actually did care for his parents and stuff, damn, it just hits me every time again thinking about it
HE also says " I love to lie, I do it all the time" IF he cared about his parents he wouldn't have done what he did to himself, others, them and their reputation forever.
ReplyDelete"I know were gonna have followers because were so fuckin god like"
ReplyDeleteI'm soooooo glad I'm not the only one who feels this way for Eric. certain songs I hear remind me of him. m 21 yrs old, in a stable relationship, I have a daughter, good job, my life is pretty ok for the most part, but I AM however, on anti depressants. I think that's where I connect with Eric on a level. I was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression. I haven't told anyone about my interest in him. I pretty much keep it to a minimal, I read about him, watch videos and look at pictures when I'm by myself so nobody's like "Wtf??" Lolol it's just a school girl crush, I suppose.
ReplyDeleteYes Eric was very attractive, but at the end of the day, him and Dylan were sick and twisted. I honestly think they deserve and are probably rotting in hell.
ReplyDeleteYes bullying is one of Americas problems, and it needs to get taken care of. But that is no excuse to go and kill innocent KIDS! Those kids that got killed, never got to graduate, get married, have kids, or even live there life! Yes I know how it is to be bullied by the popular kids, and it sucks. But I would not do what they did,!!!! I do not care if I get shit for this comment, talk shit all you want! And word of adivce to all you girls who think about them constantly. I advice professional help!
Unfortunately, looks mean a lot to many people. Sometimes they mean EVERYTHING to people. But I feel like many of those who feel the way a great deal of people on here do about Eric and Dylan has a lot more to do with the action. It is a mix of "bad boy" and "revenge" that a lot of people, especially young people, can relate to.
DeleteBullying is a social problem that is everywhere, not just America. The reason I mention it though, is not because of the point it's everywhere but because of the reaction people have to it. While people are intrigued by this kind of thing all over the world, obsession and admiration are in full mode here. Obviously that is also everywhere, but it seems much more prominent in the US.
One thing I don't understand though is your statement about them deserving and probably rotting in hell. The reason it gets me, I was close to being just like them. Now, my life is a full 180. There is no excuse, you are more than 100% right on that! But I don't understand how it is different to kill innocent kids and sending kids with severe mental problems to hell. I have tried so hard to make up for my mistakes and mistakes I was thankfully stopped from making. That guilt still follows me, even though it didn't occur. It is what has me going to school for forensic psychology. Because I have felt those feelings, and I have changed so drastically -- then I've learned so much about these situations, which I will glady elaborate if you or anyone wishes -- that it is hard for me to agree with it.
Perhaps their mistakes were vicious. But so was the ones put upon them and others. No excuses. I agree. And there is a huge difference between the two. But they are all mistakes.
Yes, professional help is needed for people thinking of doing this. But an obsession isn't the problem.
-- Lynn
Anonymous, thats your opinion. It is not needed here. They were people too. Im sure they at least cared about at least a person. You dont know what its like to feel suicidal. I find Eric really attractive and would like to meet him. Does that make me mental ? No. It would be a different story if I laughed at what they did.
Deletei don't have pity 4 them because what they did was the write thing 2 do and i think they are happy wherever they are it is a better place (in the journal of Dylan he said wherever the fuke i go it better place than here)
ReplyDeleteHonestly, I think you hit the nail on the head when it comes to most people who are interested in Eric and Dylan.
ReplyDeleteNot to mention people who have thought about committing similar acts.
This side of the Columbine Massacre - the shooters, has been with me for a long time as well. There was a time where I was obsessed in a sense of the word. Now, I have been working on a few things for research. In a way it has kick started my thoughts again.
When I was a bit younger I was "jealous" of them as well. I was very close to going through with a murder-suicide type thing in '06.
Now, because of that time period and that plan - which was thought out for a long period of time as well, with much detail - that obviously did not go according to how I believed it would, I have a very confusing emotional tie to the situation.
It strikes me how I relate to your story in a way. There is a lot in me that feels like I have been wasting away since my birth. Some of my problems I have worked on, but it becomes discouraging when you are truly doing what you can but being just fucking lazy. Its as if the world can be so overwhelming and I have no ability to do "one thing at a time", I get depressed and down on myself. Now that I've been clean for awhile, I feel even worse. Its like watching life fly by and not knowing where I fit in it. Which is strange when it is YOUR life.
Maybe I'm not them, and I had a lot more circumstancial problems than Eric and Dylan had, but I changed.
When I was in trouble with my own homicidal thoughts, I wrote a lot down as well. Really, there wasn't a purpose but now I am glad that I did. My journal got me "caught" so to speak. That isn't what changed me and made me grow, but it IS what kick-started the metamorphosis in me. While I had a lot of realization, or as Eric and Dylan would say "self-awareness", I saw only with angry eyes. Once my lense changed, those same thoughts, the same exact awareness, began to mean other things to me. That's what hit me. Changed me. And I feel differently now about these boys - because I changed. They could too.
I do NOT believe that Eric was a psychopath. At all.
Just don't. He was angry.
So yeah. This blog is really interesting to me and I have found some things here that I haven't in other places. Thanks for that.
-- Lynn
Lynn...
DeleteEric Harris wasn't that special. I guess it makes sense that women are interested in him though.
All mass shooters who killed more than 10 people are male.
Clearly for men, Eric harris was just another guy who went over the edge whereas for women he was an alien man of fascination.
there are many, many, edgy men who joke about the "high score"....