Friday, December 28, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Haters with nothing better to do?
To all the bored people leaving rude (annoying) comments, I find it funny that I'M supposedly the one that needs a life, yet you're the ones leaving garbage in the comment sections? On posts several months old? I rarely even update this thing anymore, so if you want to try to ruffle some feathers, try youtube!
And also, you will never make another person see your viewpoint by resorting to name-calling and arrogant "I'm more informed" attitudes...never, never, neeever have I claimed to be an expert on the mental problems he MAY have had. As I have SAID in a previous post, this is simply a place for me to rant! To say whatever the fuck I want! And I don't need a reason for it!
Don't like it? I won't lose any sleep over it.
And also, you will never make another person see your viewpoint by resorting to name-calling and arrogant "I'm more informed" attitudes...never, never, neeever have I claimed to be an expert on the mental problems he MAY have had. As I have SAID in a previous post, this is simply a place for me to rant! To say whatever the fuck I want! And I don't need a reason for it!
Don't like it? I won't lose any sleep over it.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
NOT thinking too much
I'm so relieved that I haven't been thinking about Eric much lately. A lot of things still remind me of him everyday, but I don't really spend time imagining what our conversations would be like and stuff like that. I have enough to worry about in real life...yes, he was hot. He seemed wise beyond his years. The whole thing is still intriguing. But I hope the obsession has worn off for good...(probably not though)
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The nation is reminded of Columbine
The memory of Columbine has been revived yet AGAIN with the James Holmes situation AKA the Batman Massacre. I've been following this story the past few days, and it's honestly a little exciting because of the connections between the two. It happened about 15 miles from Columbine. Also had almost the same death toll. Holmes killed 12 people (unless more of the critically wounded die). Almost topped Eric and Dylan but not quite!
The story may not be as interesting and powerful as Columbine was, but I'm pretty intrigued. I'm definitely interested in knowing what made such an intelligent guy from a well-off family snap the way he did. Hopefully we will find out since he decided not to kill himself. I wonder if many more details about him will emerge, such as photos, videos, stuff he's written. Without knowing him in a more personal way like Eric and Dylan, he won't be as memorable over the years. He sure made one hell of a headliner though, Eric would be proud!
The story may not be as interesting and powerful as Columbine was, but I'm pretty intrigued. I'm definitely interested in knowing what made such an intelligent guy from a well-off family snap the way he did. Hopefully we will find out since he decided not to kill himself. I wonder if many more details about him will emerge, such as photos, videos, stuff he's written. Without knowing him in a more personal way like Eric and Dylan, he won't be as memorable over the years. He sure made one hell of a headliner though, Eric would be proud!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Thoughts on their very short lives
I'm always so back and forth when it comes to my thoughts on Eric and Dylan's deaths.
Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them and wish that they could have just waited it out. I know they were filled with a lot of hatred and likely had mental illnesses, but high school is truly the worst environment to be in. I wasn't even bullied back then, but I still hated my surroundings and was always dying to get out of there. I couldn't stand the catty girls and the jock assholes. Just seeing other people getting picked on made my blood boil. But on some days I wonder, if they made it through, could their murderous thoughts have worn off? Or at least be kept under control? College is a whole other experience, and it was MUCH more bearable in my opinion. They could have possibly went on and had happy lives, looking back and wondering what they were thinking
On the other hand, I get insanely jealous at times that they have been spared from all of the negative aspects of life. I'm 26 now, and unfortunaltely, things have NOT gotten much better for me. I always hoped that my extreme quietness would wear off as I got older. I hoped that I'd be less awkward and more capable of fitting in with people. It's not that I secretly wish I could be more social and well-liked. I am an introvert and I like to have plenty of alone time, but I wish I could somehow manage to blend in with the crowd more. I am constantly asked why am I so quiet, why don't I talk, why am I alone so often...and over the past few years I've gotten more and more snappy with people who ask these same repetitive questions. I get angry right away and stay mad for hours sometimes. Then I get extremely depressed and wonder why I was born with this seemingly bland personality.
It is highly possible that if Eric and Dylan finished high school, things would have never gotten better for them. Whatever misery they felt might not have ever gone away, especially for Dylan. He seemed to hate himself. I wonder if he hated his personality the way I do at times? Sure, I could just kill myself to put myself out of my misery. But I'm too much of a coward. Also, I'd be forgotten in an instant. My family and a small group of friends are the only one who would remember me. I see no point in dying unless I can make people remember me...I am jealous of Eric and Dylan because they accomplished what they wanted, infamy. And they also don't have to deal with life anymore.
Do any of you guys feel sorry for Eric and Dylan, and think that what they did was likely a huge mistake?... Or do you feel pretty confident that death is what they would have truly wanted, and that they wouldn't have ever had any regrets?
Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them and wish that they could have just waited it out. I know they were filled with a lot of hatred and likely had mental illnesses, but high school is truly the worst environment to be in. I wasn't even bullied back then, but I still hated my surroundings and was always dying to get out of there. I couldn't stand the catty girls and the jock assholes. Just seeing other people getting picked on made my blood boil. But on some days I wonder, if they made it through, could their murderous thoughts have worn off? Or at least be kept under control? College is a whole other experience, and it was MUCH more bearable in my opinion. They could have possibly went on and had happy lives, looking back and wondering what they were thinking
On the other hand, I get insanely jealous at times that they have been spared from all of the negative aspects of life. I'm 26 now, and unfortunaltely, things have NOT gotten much better for me. I always hoped that my extreme quietness would wear off as I got older. I hoped that I'd be less awkward and more capable of fitting in with people. It's not that I secretly wish I could be more social and well-liked. I am an introvert and I like to have plenty of alone time, but I wish I could somehow manage to blend in with the crowd more. I am constantly asked why am I so quiet, why don't I talk, why am I alone so often...and over the past few years I've gotten more and more snappy with people who ask these same repetitive questions. I get angry right away and stay mad for hours sometimes. Then I get extremely depressed and wonder why I was born with this seemingly bland personality.
It is highly possible that if Eric and Dylan finished high school, things would have never gotten better for them. Whatever misery they felt might not have ever gone away, especially for Dylan. He seemed to hate himself. I wonder if he hated his personality the way I do at times? Sure, I could just kill myself to put myself out of my misery. But I'm too much of a coward. Also, I'd be forgotten in an instant. My family and a small group of friends are the only one who would remember me. I see no point in dying unless I can make people remember me...I am jealous of Eric and Dylan because they accomplished what they wanted, infamy. And they also don't have to deal with life anymore.
Do any of you guys feel sorry for Eric and Dylan, and think that what they did was likely a huge mistake?... Or do you feel pretty confident that death is what they would have truly wanted, and that they wouldn't have ever had any regrets?
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Nine Inch Nails - Closer to God
I wonder if the day will ever come that I can listen to NIN without thinking of Eric Harris the entire time...so pointless! I bet he would have been an amazing fuck, all that rage in him. He'd take it out on the girl in a good way lol.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
13th anniversary.
I'm a day late, but happy 4/20 everyone. RIP Eric and Dylan...crazy that it's been 13 years, I still remember the day it all went down.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
:-\
I'm thinking of Eric way more than usual today. Probably because I finally read an on-line sample of Brooks Brown's book. I keep telling myself to go get a gift card so I can order it, since I don't have credit cards. The fact that his own friend described him as weird and strange makes me really sad, because I consider MYSELF to be weird and strange. And that makes me hate it even more that I never met him and never can.
He's nothing like Mark Whalberg's character in Fear, AT ALL... but I get that same kind of lust for his character David. (lol) He has that dangerous side that I'm drawn to. Though that rarely turns out well. Mark was also hot in that movie, but not like Eric. His face was so cute, it doesn't even matter that I'm like 3 inches taller at 5'11 lol. But something tells me Eric wouldn't like the height difference, even though he once said legs were his favorite part of a girl.
He's nothing like Mark Whalberg's character in Fear, AT ALL... but I get that same kind of lust for his character David. (lol) He has that dangerous side that I'm drawn to. Though that rarely turns out well. Mark was also hot in that movie, but not like Eric. His face was so cute, it doesn't even matter that I'm like 3 inches taller at 5'11 lol. But something tells me Eric wouldn't like the height difference, even though he once said legs were his favorite part of a girl.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thinking
You know what really sucks about not believing in God?...In my mind, I will never meet Eric in the afterlife. I don't believe there's a heaven, hell, anything. Yet meeting Eric is something I want more than anything. He's the only thing that could possibly motivate me to have some faith for once.
That or someone will have to invent time traveling in my lifetime.
That or someone will have to invent time traveling in my lifetime.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Reminds me of Eric
This is random as hell, but I was watching some Roseanne episodes on youtube. And there's this one character, Crystal's son Lonnie, that's reminds me of Eric Harris. Sorta looks like him as a kid, and there's something about his mannerisms/demeanor.
You can find him at 4:13 and 11:40. He's also at 15:20 but I don't get the Eric vibe as much...The part where's he's hitting the glasses and stuff with his utensils trying to piss people off, that reminds me of the cafeteria video where Eric spinning the phone around. Does anyone else see it? Could just be me lol.
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