Friday, December 28, 2012
Sunday, December 16, 2012
Haters with nothing better to do?
To all the bored people leaving rude (annoying) comments, I find it funny that I'M supposedly the one that needs a life, yet you're the ones leaving garbage in the comment sections? On posts several months old? I rarely even update this thing anymore, so if you want to try to ruffle some feathers, try youtube!
And also, you will never make another person see your viewpoint by resorting to name-calling and arrogant "I'm more informed" attitudes...never, never, neeever have I claimed to be an expert on the mental problems he MAY have had. As I have SAID in a previous post, this is simply a place for me to rant! To say whatever the fuck I want! And I don't need a reason for it!
Don't like it? I won't lose any sleep over it.
And also, you will never make another person see your viewpoint by resorting to name-calling and arrogant "I'm more informed" attitudes...never, never, neeever have I claimed to be an expert on the mental problems he MAY have had. As I have SAID in a previous post, this is simply a place for me to rant! To say whatever the fuck I want! And I don't need a reason for it!
Don't like it? I won't lose any sleep over it.
Wednesday, November 28, 2012
NOT thinking too much
I'm so relieved that I haven't been thinking about Eric much lately. A lot of things still remind me of him everyday, but I don't really spend time imagining what our conversations would be like and stuff like that. I have enough to worry about in real life...yes, he was hot. He seemed wise beyond his years. The whole thing is still intriguing. But I hope the obsession has worn off for good...(probably not though)
Sunday, July 22, 2012
The nation is reminded of Columbine
The memory of Columbine has been revived yet AGAIN with the James Holmes situation AKA the Batman Massacre. I've been following this story the past few days, and it's honestly a little exciting because of the connections between the two. It happened about 15 miles from Columbine. Also had almost the same death toll. Holmes killed 12 people (unless more of the critically wounded die). Almost topped Eric and Dylan but not quite!
The story may not be as interesting and powerful as Columbine was, but I'm pretty intrigued. I'm definitely interested in knowing what made such an intelligent guy from a well-off family snap the way he did. Hopefully we will find out since he decided not to kill himself. I wonder if many more details about him will emerge, such as photos, videos, stuff he's written. Without knowing him in a more personal way like Eric and Dylan, he won't be as memorable over the years. He sure made one hell of a headliner though, Eric would be proud!
The story may not be as interesting and powerful as Columbine was, but I'm pretty intrigued. I'm definitely interested in knowing what made such an intelligent guy from a well-off family snap the way he did. Hopefully we will find out since he decided not to kill himself. I wonder if many more details about him will emerge, such as photos, videos, stuff he's written. Without knowing him in a more personal way like Eric and Dylan, he won't be as memorable over the years. He sure made one hell of a headliner though, Eric would be proud!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Thoughts on their very short lives
I'm always so back and forth when it comes to my thoughts on Eric and Dylan's deaths.
Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them and wish that they could have just waited it out. I know they were filled with a lot of hatred and likely had mental illnesses, but high school is truly the worst environment to be in. I wasn't even bullied back then, but I still hated my surroundings and was always dying to get out of there. I couldn't stand the catty girls and the jock assholes. Just seeing other people getting picked on made my blood boil. But on some days I wonder, if they made it through, could their murderous thoughts have worn off? Or at least be kept under control? College is a whole other experience, and it was MUCH more bearable in my opinion. They could have possibly went on and had happy lives, looking back and wondering what they were thinking
On the other hand, I get insanely jealous at times that they have been spared from all of the negative aspects of life. I'm 26 now, and unfortunaltely, things have NOT gotten much better for me. I always hoped that my extreme quietness would wear off as I got older. I hoped that I'd be less awkward and more capable of fitting in with people. It's not that I secretly wish I could be more social and well-liked. I am an introvert and I like to have plenty of alone time, but I wish I could somehow manage to blend in with the crowd more. I am constantly asked why am I so quiet, why don't I talk, why am I alone so often...and over the past few years I've gotten more and more snappy with people who ask these same repetitive questions. I get angry right away and stay mad for hours sometimes. Then I get extremely depressed and wonder why I was born with this seemingly bland personality.
It is highly possible that if Eric and Dylan finished high school, things would have never gotten better for them. Whatever misery they felt might not have ever gone away, especially for Dylan. He seemed to hate himself. I wonder if he hated his personality the way I do at times? Sure, I could just kill myself to put myself out of my misery. But I'm too much of a coward. Also, I'd be forgotten in an instant. My family and a small group of friends are the only one who would remember me. I see no point in dying unless I can make people remember me...I am jealous of Eric and Dylan because they accomplished what they wanted, infamy. And they also don't have to deal with life anymore.
Do any of you guys feel sorry for Eric and Dylan, and think that what they did was likely a huge mistake?... Or do you feel pretty confident that death is what they would have truly wanted, and that they wouldn't have ever had any regrets?
Sometimes, I feel so sorry for them and wish that they could have just waited it out. I know they were filled with a lot of hatred and likely had mental illnesses, but high school is truly the worst environment to be in. I wasn't even bullied back then, but I still hated my surroundings and was always dying to get out of there. I couldn't stand the catty girls and the jock assholes. Just seeing other people getting picked on made my blood boil. But on some days I wonder, if they made it through, could their murderous thoughts have worn off? Or at least be kept under control? College is a whole other experience, and it was MUCH more bearable in my opinion. They could have possibly went on and had happy lives, looking back and wondering what they were thinking
On the other hand, I get insanely jealous at times that they have been spared from all of the negative aspects of life. I'm 26 now, and unfortunaltely, things have NOT gotten much better for me. I always hoped that my extreme quietness would wear off as I got older. I hoped that I'd be less awkward and more capable of fitting in with people. It's not that I secretly wish I could be more social and well-liked. I am an introvert and I like to have plenty of alone time, but I wish I could somehow manage to blend in with the crowd more. I am constantly asked why am I so quiet, why don't I talk, why am I alone so often...and over the past few years I've gotten more and more snappy with people who ask these same repetitive questions. I get angry right away and stay mad for hours sometimes. Then I get extremely depressed and wonder why I was born with this seemingly bland personality.
It is highly possible that if Eric and Dylan finished high school, things would have never gotten better for them. Whatever misery they felt might not have ever gone away, especially for Dylan. He seemed to hate himself. I wonder if he hated his personality the way I do at times? Sure, I could just kill myself to put myself out of my misery. But I'm too much of a coward. Also, I'd be forgotten in an instant. My family and a small group of friends are the only one who would remember me. I see no point in dying unless I can make people remember me...I am jealous of Eric and Dylan because they accomplished what they wanted, infamy. And they also don't have to deal with life anymore.
Do any of you guys feel sorry for Eric and Dylan, and think that what they did was likely a huge mistake?... Or do you feel pretty confident that death is what they would have truly wanted, and that they wouldn't have ever had any regrets?
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Nine Inch Nails - Closer to God
I wonder if the day will ever come that I can listen to NIN without thinking of Eric Harris the entire time...so pointless! I bet he would have been an amazing fuck, all that rage in him. He'd take it out on the girl in a good way lol.
Saturday, April 21, 2012
13th anniversary.
I'm a day late, but happy 4/20 everyone. RIP Eric and Dylan...crazy that it's been 13 years, I still remember the day it all went down.
Sunday, March 25, 2012
:-\
I'm thinking of Eric way more than usual today. Probably because I finally read an on-line sample of Brooks Brown's book. I keep telling myself to go get a gift card so I can order it, since I don't have credit cards. The fact that his own friend described him as weird and strange makes me really sad, because I consider MYSELF to be weird and strange. And that makes me hate it even more that I never met him and never can.
He's nothing like Mark Whalberg's character in Fear, AT ALL... but I get that same kind of lust for his character David. (lol) He has that dangerous side that I'm drawn to. Though that rarely turns out well. Mark was also hot in that movie, but not like Eric. His face was so cute, it doesn't even matter that I'm like 3 inches taller at 5'11 lol. But something tells me Eric wouldn't like the height difference, even though he once said legs were his favorite part of a girl.
He's nothing like Mark Whalberg's character in Fear, AT ALL... but I get that same kind of lust for his character David. (lol) He has that dangerous side that I'm drawn to. Though that rarely turns out well. Mark was also hot in that movie, but not like Eric. His face was so cute, it doesn't even matter that I'm like 3 inches taller at 5'11 lol. But something tells me Eric wouldn't like the height difference, even though he once said legs were his favorite part of a girl.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Thinking
You know what really sucks about not believing in God?...In my mind, I will never meet Eric in the afterlife. I don't believe there's a heaven, hell, anything. Yet meeting Eric is something I want more than anything. He's the only thing that could possibly motivate me to have some faith for once.
That or someone will have to invent time traveling in my lifetime.
That or someone will have to invent time traveling in my lifetime.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Reminds me of Eric
This is random as hell, but I was watching some Roseanne episodes on youtube. And there's this one character, Crystal's son Lonnie, that's reminds me of Eric Harris. Sorta looks like him as a kid, and there's something about his mannerisms/demeanor.
You can find him at 4:13 and 11:40. He's also at 15:20 but I don't get the Eric vibe as much...The part where's he's hitting the glasses and stuff with his utensils trying to piss people off, that reminds me of the cafeteria video where Eric spinning the phone around. Does anyone else see it? Could just be me lol.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Just ranting
I'm sure that anyone who is viewing this has read at least some of Eric's rants. It feels so good sometimes to let it all out. If you don't you might fucking explode and destroy the computer screen or something. I'm pissed and I need to let it all out. I don't really have any other blogs, and this is way too long to post of facebook....
Like Eric, I'm an animal lover. I probably care about them more than I do for humans. I cry for them when they die, but never have at any of my relatives funerals. Unlike humans, there's basically nothing wrong with them. They never do anything wrong. Anyways, we've had a cute cat named Leo for like 13 years now. He's getting up there and slowing down. A little over a year ago, a young stray cat kept coming around and my mom liked him. She can be a bitch for the most part, but she surprised everyone by saying we can keep him. So we named him Debo, and to make it short, he's a fucking dick to Leo. Leo is overweight and has sore joints, bones, whatever else. But Debo chases him all around the fucking house, bites Leo, makes Leo scream in pain, forces him to jump on and off of high surfaces which makes it even worse...
This has been going on for over a year, and I can't fucking stand it for much longer. We kept hoping it would get better. We'd yell at Debo and lock him in the basement sometimes. But the stupid cat won't stop even though I'm sure he knows Leo is in pain. My mom wants to get rid of Debo, and I'd love to as well. But my dad is extremely attached to him and he doesn't want to get rid of him. My dad is such a nice person and I'd feel really bad of he had to get rid of his little buddy, but something obviously needs to change. Once Leo is like 15 or so, he's done when it comes to that shit. I'd consider it to be animal abuse. I tried to reason with my dad, who honestly isn't the brightest crayon in the box. A lot of times he completely lacks common sense. The other day, I had a long conversation with my him about Leo and how cruel the whole situation is...
He seemed to really get it, at the time. I've felt guilty this entire time and thought he did too. So we agreed that we would lock Debo up on the porch at night, and when nobody's home. Well, this was 5 days ago, and it never fucking happened. I finally asked my dad today, ummm, is this porch thing gonna actually happen or not? And my dad says that he and my mom will keep Debo in the porch when nobody is home. But at night?...My dad sad something like this... "I get up about, 4 or 5 times a night to use the bathroom...and every time I do, Debo is right there asleep...so uhh, we don't need to lock him up at night."...like, wow you guys. My dad, honestly thinks that a fucking cat, sleeps aaallllll throughout the night like a human does. Passed out except to use the bathroom or get some water...Jesus fucking christ...
It is pretty damn obvious, for one, that cats are up at all hours of the night. They wake up, get bored, roam around, torture aging cats...I am so fucking angry and feel helpless because it's not like this is my house. I can't decide what happens. But my heart breaks at the thought of my poor cat having sharp teeth sunk into his skin almost daily...it's absolutely fucking ridiculous that it's allowed to happen. I love my dad, but I am very pissed at him for being an unrealistic moron with no sympathy for a poor old cat. I highly doubt that I'll have a good Christmas. If my dad ever asks why I seem mad, I'll tell him what's pissing me off every single time . . . . . I guess I'm about done. I have to be up in 5 hours. But Eric was definitely right when he said that people are fucking idiots, and that it's infuriating to even think of how stupid they can be.
If anyone ever feels like ranting in their response, feel free. It might prevent you from snapping and killing someone. ^_^
Like Eric, I'm an animal lover. I probably care about them more than I do for humans. I cry for them when they die, but never have at any of my relatives funerals. Unlike humans, there's basically nothing wrong with them. They never do anything wrong. Anyways, we've had a cute cat named Leo for like 13 years now. He's getting up there and slowing down. A little over a year ago, a young stray cat kept coming around and my mom liked him. She can be a bitch for the most part, but she surprised everyone by saying we can keep him. So we named him Debo, and to make it short, he's a fucking dick to Leo. Leo is overweight and has sore joints, bones, whatever else. But Debo chases him all around the fucking house, bites Leo, makes Leo scream in pain, forces him to jump on and off of high surfaces which makes it even worse...
This has been going on for over a year, and I can't fucking stand it for much longer. We kept hoping it would get better. We'd yell at Debo and lock him in the basement sometimes. But the stupid cat won't stop even though I'm sure he knows Leo is in pain. My mom wants to get rid of Debo, and I'd love to as well. But my dad is extremely attached to him and he doesn't want to get rid of him. My dad is such a nice person and I'd feel really bad of he had to get rid of his little buddy, but something obviously needs to change. Once Leo is like 15 or so, he's done when it comes to that shit. I'd consider it to be animal abuse. I tried to reason with my dad, who honestly isn't the brightest crayon in the box. A lot of times he completely lacks common sense. The other day, I had a long conversation with my him about Leo and how cruel the whole situation is...
He seemed to really get it, at the time. I've felt guilty this entire time and thought he did too. So we agreed that we would lock Debo up on the porch at night, and when nobody's home. Well, this was 5 days ago, and it never fucking happened. I finally asked my dad today, ummm, is this porch thing gonna actually happen or not? And my dad says that he and my mom will keep Debo in the porch when nobody is home. But at night?...My dad sad something like this... "I get up about, 4 or 5 times a night to use the bathroom...and every time I do, Debo is right there asleep...so uhh, we don't need to lock him up at night."...like, wow you guys. My dad, honestly thinks that a fucking cat, sleeps aaallllll throughout the night like a human does. Passed out except to use the bathroom or get some water...Jesus fucking christ...
It is pretty damn obvious, for one, that cats are up at all hours of the night. They wake up, get bored, roam around, torture aging cats...I am so fucking angry and feel helpless because it's not like this is my house. I can't decide what happens. But my heart breaks at the thought of my poor cat having sharp teeth sunk into his skin almost daily...it's absolutely fucking ridiculous that it's allowed to happen. I love my dad, but I am very pissed at him for being an unrealistic moron with no sympathy for a poor old cat. I highly doubt that I'll have a good Christmas. If my dad ever asks why I seem mad, I'll tell him what's pissing me off every single time . . . . . I guess I'm about done. I have to be up in 5 hours. But Eric was definitely right when he said that people are fucking idiots, and that it's infuriating to even think of how stupid they can be.
If anyone ever feels like ranting in their response, feel free. It might prevent you from snapping and killing someone. ^_^
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Hmm
I wish I had something to write about. Aside from the huge term paper I finally finished last week, I've been going through a usual "cooling" phase for the past couple of months, after thinking about Eric constantly for a year. Definitely should have started this blog months earlier instead of just wondering if I should the whole time. But the never ending fantasies always come back. I seriously wonder if I have some kind of mental issue, or I'm just a little weird...
I wonder if any people who have a similar obsession ever feel annoyed by it. Like it's pointless and you wish it would go away. I would have loved to know Eric back then because he seemed so perfect for me. :( Just like he did for so many other girls (and guys). I think it's shitty that I'll never meet anyone who's just like him, but I can't do anything to change that. So the times that I obsess make me depressed or irritated at times. I gotta admit though, some of my fantasies are nice when I get a little lost in them. ^_^
I'm gonna keep this blog around, even if I don't happen to say much. Just because.
I wonder if any people who have a similar obsession ever feel annoyed by it. Like it's pointless and you wish it would go away. I would have loved to know Eric back then because he seemed so perfect for me. :( Just like he did for so many other girls (and guys). I think it's shitty that I'll never meet anyone who's just like him, but I can't do anything to change that. So the times that I obsess make me depressed or irritated at times. I gotta admit though, some of my fantasies are nice when I get a little lost in them. ^_^
I'm gonna keep this blog around, even if I don't happen to say much. Just because.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Art by Rachel
These are awesome.
Here are her links, check it out!:
http://itcomesfrommyheart.deviantart.com/art/The-Columbine-Killers-265600720
http://itcomesfrommyheart.deviantart.com/#/d4e9h4m
Friday, October 21, 2011
Copycats will never compare.
Sometimes I wonder what percentage of the world population actually fantasizes about going over the edge and killing a bunch of people. I'm talking daily thoughts of murdering no matter what your mood is, not just when you are angry and not thinking rationally. I wonder even more what percentage of the population is truly capable of doing it. Even MORE importantly, I wonder how many people could actually make an impact and remain burned in people's memories, like Eric and Dylan have. Murder is such an incredibly common thing, and it is damn near impossible to leave your mark. Racking up the death toll is certainly an effective way to garner attention, but Eric and Dylan didn't have to rely on that. They were simply geniuses, meticulously planning out every little detail and aspect of NBK. Though their exacts reasons for doing what they did will never be known, FAME was clearly something that they eagerly anticipated. Fame would be my main reason for killing, if I chose to snap.
I feel like my life sucks anyways, and I'm too lazy to change it. I still don't have a clue what I want to do with myself at 25 years old. I hate my awkward personality, and constantly being asked why I'm so quiet. I've been tired of people's shit ever since grade school. I have to constantly deal with people questioning my behavior and who I am as a person, when they should just mind their own fucking business. I never visit my relatives because honestly, I'm not interested. But I know that if I'm ever desperate and need them in the future, they will not be there. As for relationships? With my social anxiety, I strongly dislike meeting new people. I only feel comfortable with one-on-one conversations, so meeting and growing close to a boyfriend's family and friends is out of the question. I have dug my own grave when it comes to many things. I guess my point is, I think about my life in general, and I feel that my whole existence will always be a bland waste of time. I might remain aimless for my entire life, only to die a lonely old woman who has accomplished nothing. I'll have my one paragraph article in the obituaries and that will be it. Might as well go out with a bang and be remembered in a huge way.
So I guess that's why I daydream sometimes about doing what Eric and Dylan did, somehow causing the same impact on society. Trust me though, I'd never go through with it. And the main reason is that I could never pull off what they did. Eric especially truly drew people in. He seemed so fucking awesome and amazing. :-/ But as for all those depressed, angst-ridden teens out there who look up the Eric and Dylan and want to seriously carry out copy-cat massacres...they would be complete fools for even attempting it. They would probably wuss out after shooting half a dozen students, would end up in prison or death row, and would captivate the nation for maybe a week or so? Then the media would move on to the major story. While Columbine is firmly placed in a category of it's own, wanna-bees would get lost in the endless list of mediocrity. These copycats may gain infamy on the net, but only as jokes. Columbine set the bar way too high, and fools such as lame Cho Seung-Hui need to realize that...sorry that this post was about me pretty much. I will try and focus more on Reb and VoDka in the next one.
I feel like my life sucks anyways, and I'm too lazy to change it. I still don't have a clue what I want to do with myself at 25 years old. I hate my awkward personality, and constantly being asked why I'm so quiet. I've been tired of people's shit ever since grade school. I have to constantly deal with people questioning my behavior and who I am as a person, when they should just mind their own fucking business. I never visit my relatives because honestly, I'm not interested. But I know that if I'm ever desperate and need them in the future, they will not be there. As for relationships? With my social anxiety, I strongly dislike meeting new people. I only feel comfortable with one-on-one conversations, so meeting and growing close to a boyfriend's family and friends is out of the question. I have dug my own grave when it comes to many things. I guess my point is, I think about my life in general, and I feel that my whole existence will always be a bland waste of time. I might remain aimless for my entire life, only to die a lonely old woman who has accomplished nothing. I'll have my one paragraph article in the obituaries and that will be it. Might as well go out with a bang and be remembered in a huge way.
So I guess that's why I daydream sometimes about doing what Eric and Dylan did, somehow causing the same impact on society. Trust me though, I'd never go through with it. And the main reason is that I could never pull off what they did. Eric especially truly drew people in. He seemed so fucking awesome and amazing. :-/ But as for all those depressed, angst-ridden teens out there who look up the Eric and Dylan and want to seriously carry out copy-cat massacres...they would be complete fools for even attempting it. They would probably wuss out after shooting half a dozen students, would end up in prison or death row, and would captivate the nation for maybe a week or so? Then the media would move on to the major story. While Columbine is firmly placed in a category of it's own, wanna-bees would get lost in the endless list of mediocrity. These copycats may gain infamy on the net, but only as jokes. Columbine set the bar way too high, and fools such as lame Cho Seung-Hui need to realize that...sorry that this post was about me pretty much. I will try and focus more on Reb and VoDka in the next one.
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